Self Improvement

It is time for a change.
I am making a public declaration... here on my little blog... that I am taking control of me.
Easter is a time of renewal.
The buds are waking, the air warming, THE SNOW MELTING:)

A lot has been going on in my life these last few months.
Stress... it is a constant feeling for me, and I hate it.
Small as my trials may be to some, they are mine and they can be a total drag.
I feel like the character in The Crucible who is slowly being crushed by stones,
Only I am not asking for more rocks.
At least in my situation I can see why these trials have been sent...
I can see that I am supposed to learn and trust.

This constant squeezing pressure is exhausting.
Not knowing what to do is exhausting.
Having so much up in the air is exhausting.
Feeling like there isn't enough time in the day is exhausting.
Being the only one working and having no money is exhausting.
Three beautiful children are exhausting.
Being a responsible adult is EXHAUSTING!

Feeling so exhausted has caused me to be angry.
The people that feel the brunt of this anger are those most precious to me.
To have this constant pall and feel like a shell of my normally happy self can be so diminishing.

When reading some posts on unrelated blogs, there was a common theme of overcoming anger.
Then I saw a pin about The Orange Rhino and giving up yelling.
As I started to read her blog,
I realized that this was a prompt for me to take accountability and action over my own emotions.

I hate yelling because it almost never yields the desired result.
What loving parent enjoys seeing their child cower from a barrage of angry words.
Negative produces negative.
How can I raise Asher, Abbie, and Eden to be strong self confident people if my anger tears them down.

When I overhear Asher and Abbie arguing...
I hear my own words coming out of their mouths.
It makes me glad that I NEVER swear...
Especially when the kids are tattling to Grandma's and Papa's that mommy and daddy are angry or fighting.
I want them to positively reinforce each other... BUILD not TEAR DOWN.

I started yesterday March 28, 2013
I made the conscious decision NOT to yell.
Last night went so well.
By making the active decision to be positive and find alternates to yelling...
The night went smoothly.
It won't be like that everyday.
But that day was loading Papa's truck for the dump, running around on the grass, packing boxes, eating noodles, reading stories, forgetting dishes, dying my hair red ombre, eating BBQ chips, Eden laughing...
There were moments I could have yelled like when Abbie was whining, when I had to use mint toothpaste on the kids because Abbie filled the new kid toothpaste tube with soap and water because "it needed to be washed", when I changed Eden's diaper and she pooped all over the changing pad/couch/my hand... but I didn't.
So many small moments of lovely, that would have been missed if contention were present.

I want to keep doing this.
It feels so good.

The Orange Rhino surrounds herself with orange.
She uses it as a visual reminder of her goal.
I am choosing a color and my family already knows it's my favorite right now...
Mint Green.
What better visual reminder to be happy, than a color that makes me smile every time I see it:)

Everyday is a choice.
I NEED to CHOOSE to be happy!
It is true that if I am happier/kinder it will reflect in the mood and actions of the others in our house.

This is my public pledge.
It is in affect and effective.
There will be setbacks and triumphs alike.
But I am SO READY!